i might just disappear [Micah]

Deleted
Deleted Member

Posts: 0

i might just disappear [Micah] Dec 31, 2018 22:48:50 GMT -6

Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2018 22:48:50 GMT -6

Nimue was gone.

Talim hadn't been able to allow himself to believe it, at first. He'd been in denial, for quite some time- first his brain had lead him to think that Nimue was ignoring him when she hadn't shown any sign of her presence for several days, but he'd managed to convince himself that that train of thought was absolutely ridiculous. Nimue had other duties to attend to now, after all, duties that came with being introduced to an entirely new pack and having to memorize the names and faces of all the wolves within it. She had Micah, and her pups, and whatever other members of Ananke had decided to journey to Acerbus to join up with the ranks of Vasilios. She didn't need someone like him, just a pathetic little leech who hung around to mooch off of some of her generosity and good will, just a clinging jealous idiot who did nothing to contribute anything of importance to either her family or this new organization that they had found themselves a part of. If she'd grown tired of him and decided that she was better off not lingering around him, well, he could hardly blame her for that. Nimue was a grown wolf, the former alpha of an established pack, more than capable of making her own decisions about who to associate with in her spare time. He was the one who acted like an overgrown pup more often than not, making an utter fool out of himself in any social situation that he happened to stumble into.

She didn't need him, and he was content with that.

But as days had turned into weeks and those had turned into months, and there had still been no sign of his alpha- his friend- anywhere within Acerbus, Talim had been forced to face the horrific truth that had been swirling around in his head for days before, haunting him whenever he cared to dwell on it. Nimue was gone. Nimue was gone, taken or dead, and he was all alone again, just a miserable little rat that nobody else wanted to waste their time on. But rather than raging over the cruelness of it all, rather than dissolving into hysterics or mourning over the loss, Talim just felt an overwhelming sense of numbness towards the entire situation. She was gone, because of course she was, because nothing good could ever last in his life, could it? He'd tried to step out on his own, and he'd gotten horrifically scarred and left for dead for his troubles. He'd joined a pack, and the pack had dissolved. He'd made friends in Isaiah, in Skye and Nimue and a handful of the other members of Ananke, and in the end they had all either disappeared or decided he wasn't worth wasting their time on anymore. Even Murmur had left before he'd gotten the chance to apologize to her for all the cruel words he had slung in her direction, and the guilt over such a thing had eaten him alive for weeks afterward until he had finally fallen into a state of numb acceptance, much like the one he was feeling now. Everyone left, everyone got tired and fucking left him, so what was the point of driving himself into hysterics over every single betrayal or loss that he felt? It had happened before, and it would happen again. It was just another fact of his miserable, meaningless life.

He'd been so wrapped up in his own mind lately that he hadn't even bothered to seek out Ambrose again, to see if they might make good on the other male's promise to set up a meeting with Dione in order for him to ask for an official rank within the pack- for all he knew, Ambrose had gotten tired of him too- instead choosing to slink into the caverns located upon Vasilios territory, only daring to venture out once the need for food became too strong for him to ignore. His frame withered and shrank until he was practically nothing but skin stretched over bone, he was perpetually thirsty despite the small puddles of water lying here and there upon the cavern's floor, and were he in the right state of mind Talim likely would have longed for some semblance of company- but he did not, and if someone came along he would blatantly deny that anything was wrong, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. The coolness of the caverns seemed to be the perfect allegory for his current mental state, and in any case if he was going to disappear in the same way as everyone who had ever cared about him had, this seemed as good of a place to do it as any.

Word Count: 796
Playmates: Micah
Other: It's sad boi time

Micah
Loner

Posts: 106
OOC Name: Roka
Biography: http://anikira.proboards.com/thread/10231/kenai-peninsula-arctic-wolf-micah
Date of Birth: April 30th, 2015
Gender: Male
Breed: Mixed Breed
Height: 48 inches
Weight: 210 pounds
Coat Color: Black, Grey
Eye Color: Blue
Language: 2
Violence: 2
Sexual Content: 2
Size Generation: 2nd

i might just disappear [Micah] Mar 6, 2019 22:09:28 GMT -6

Post by Micah on Mar 6, 2019 22:09:28 GMT -6

Micah could hardly believe that she was gone. Enough time had gone by that he should have been able to wrap his mind around it, but he couldn't. Nimue had been his everything and now he had nothing. Not even the comforts of his children could pull him from the depression that had him within it's grips. He doubted that he would ever be able to find hi way out of the dark tunnel. The fact that he was still here in the place where she had died, astounded him. A part of him wanted to simply run back to someplace he could be alone for the rest of his life. A short life. Or so he wished. There was nothing about this life that made him want to live any longer than he had to. He had considered just killing himself, but he knew that wouldn't be what Nimue wanted. She would have wanted him to be strong and be there for their family. Even if he was unable to be that for them right now.

Coming across Talim only made him feel worse. Resentment hot and violent welled up inside him. He didn't want to see his former pack mate, not when it just reminded him of Nimue. A part of him hated the brute for bringing up memories that he was so desperately trying to forget. The male had followed them from Ananke, fully devoted to Nimue even until the end of her life. A part of him wanted to reach out and try to comfort the male, but he couldn't even get past it himself. He was sure that if he even tried to utter her name out loud his heart would shatter and die again. Perhaps this time it would stop beating all together. "Hello Talim." Those were the only words he could say and still he wanted to turn and run away. Just being near someone who also knew Nimue was ripping him apart. Her scent was here, her voice, her gentle gaze. She had been so patient with Talim, so accepting. He missed her more than he could fathom, and he knew that would never go away.

@talim

Micah - 2 year old - Mixed Wolf - Male - Ananke Paramour

Deleted
Deleted Member

Posts: 0

i might just disappear [Micah] Jun 6, 2019 22:34:12 GMT -6

Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2019 22:34:12 GMT -6

For a moment, when Talim heard footsteps, he wanted to deny their existence- wanted to chalk it up to his mind playing tricks on him in all his old age and ridiculousness, put it down as nothing more than a hallucination. Why would anyone care enough to come looking for a miserable little rat like him? Why would any of the higher-ups within Vasilios give a damn whether he simply faded away or not? The one wolf who would have cared had vanished, either deciding that he wasn't worth wasting anymore of her precious time on or dead- and if it was the latter, no one had bothered to protect Nimue the same way that they wouldn't protect him, something which made his distaste over the situation burn even brighter. Even her precious fucking mate Micah had seemingly let her go without a care in the world, and now they didn't even care enough to protect him when he was in danger of wasting away down in these caverns. It was enough to make the old Grey glare at a stalagmite in the distance with all the fury he could muster in that moment, an irritated huff escaping his maw as he still refused to pay full attention to any footsteps that he may or may not have heard. He hated it here in Vasilios, with its members that pretended to care about him but never actually did, with its leader that seemed far too cold and unapproachable and its lands that felt eerie and ominous and not at all like home.

He wished he could go back to how it had used to be so desperately. He wished he could be back in Ananke again, where he'd had an actual purpose, where he'd actually been happy for the first time in his utterly miserable life. When Nimue had listened to him and treated him like an actual wolf instead of just another face in the crowd, when he'd had friends like Skye and Isaiah to fall back on when times were tough. But one by one, those friends had left him, heading for greener pastures where they wouldn't have to be forced to entertain his utterly useless presence, and he'd been left alone and unwanted again, with everything good in his life slipping away from him almost as soon as it came to him. Just like it always did. Just like what he had grown accustomed to, over his many years of roaming Anikira, trying his best to steer clear of anything that would remind him of where he had come from and how he had earned the wicked scars decorating his face.

Maybe it would have been better for him in the end if he hadn't decided to join up with Ananke. If he'd never accepted Nimue's offer in the first place, would he have been spared of all this pain and torment?

So wrapped up in his thoughts was Talim that when his newfound company actually spoke to him, he flinched as though someone had taken a brand to his side, whirling around with his ears pinned back to allow whoever it was to come into his vision. For one stupidly hopeful moment he thought that it might be Nimue, coming back to tell him that she had been safe and sound all along and that he'd been silly for ever thinking that she was dead and gone- at least until an annoyingly familiar dark pelt came into his field of vision, causing his hopeful grin to lapse back into a frown and his ears to pin even further back out of thinly-veiled distaste. Out of all of the Vasilios wolves bold enough to venture down into the caverns and tell him to get a hold of himself, it just had to be the one that detested him the most, didn't it? Pretty little perfect Micah, who took every opportunity he got to seemingly rub it in Talim's face that he, while being younger, was more mature and more liked than Talim himself would ever hope to be. Micah, who was tall and strong and everything he couldn't be. Micah, who should have been there to protect Nimue from whatever had seen fit to snatch her away, and yet had stood idly by with the rest of this useless fucking pack and allowed her to disappear forever. He was just as bad as Ambrose, just as bad as anyone else who had entered his life who had put on a friendly mask and promised to be there for him only to turn around and drag his trust through the mud, and had he had enough energy to do so in that moment he likely would have directed a vicious snap towards the other male's face for even daring to be in his presence at that moment, for even daring to act as though he honestly gave a shit about what Talim was thinking or feeling.

Why didn't you protect her, he wanted to say in that moment, wanted to scream it until his throat was bloody and raw- but what good would it do? Hatred wouldn't bring Nimue back. Hatred wouldn't improve his pathetic excuse for a life, any more than moping in this cave would, but he was at a complete loss for what else to do. He hated himself, hated everyone in this pack, and he felt like a lost pup, blindly fumbling for some kind of purpose within his life again. He didn't know what else to do but to lose himself in a cloud of loathing and sadness, and it showed when he finally spoke up, his voice terse and cracked from misuse. "If you're going to tell me to step up and be more mature, or to stop moping, or whatever, just...fucking get on with it already," he snapped, turning away from Micah a second later. "I know you've never liked me, so don't pretend to have come down here out of concern or anything else. No one cares, and anyone who does leaves eventually." A beat, and then he was continuing. "I just...miss her. She was the first wolf that bothered to give me a chance. The first wolf that made me feel like I mattered. And you can't understand what that's like."

Word Count: 1,054
Playmates: Micah
Other: Sorry for taking so goddamn long to reply to this

Micah
Loner

Posts: 106
OOC Name: Roka
Biography: http://anikira.proboards.com/thread/10231/kenai-peninsula-arctic-wolf-micah
Date of Birth: April 30th, 2015
Gender: Male
Breed: Mixed Breed
Height: 48 inches
Weight: 210 pounds
Coat Color: Black, Grey
Eye Color: Blue
Language: 2
Violence: 2
Sexual Content: 2
Size Generation: 2nd

i might just disappear [Micah] Jun 14, 2019 21:07:25 GMT -6

Post by Micah on Jun 14, 2019 21:07:25 GMT -6

Micah hadn't really planned to say anything much to the brute, considering he couldn't even say anything. Before Nimue had died he had felt nothing but pity for the brute, and now that she was dead those feelings were almost worse. Micah had just sought out something familiar in Talim, but once the male snapped at him in anger that seeking turned to something else. A coldness spread through his bones until he was certain he felt almost nothing. Instead of anger or hate blooming in him he just cut himself off. The pain of losing Nimue had already taken too much for him, he could not take anything else in his way right now. So instead of going into a rage and telling Talim to go fuck himself he sat down, waiting for the older male to get through his rampage. The fact that this brute thought that he was the only one who missed her, or perhaps that his feelings for Nimue were anything in comparison to Micah's was almost laughable. Nimue had accepted him and almost babied him during his time in Ananke. When they moved to Vasilios the simpering welp had just followed them there too. Micah had not said anything because he knew that he was important to Nimue, but now that she was gone, his motivation to hold his tongue had fled.

"You are right Talim. I never liked you, I still don't. There was something about you that simply rubbed me the wrong way, yet I let you be because you were important to her. Now that she is gone however I don't feel obliged to let you be. Do you honestly think that you are the only person who mourns her? Nimue touched the lives of everyone who knew her, her light penetrated each and every heart she encountered. So what if you mattered to her. That female was my life, my whole world. My entire existence is obsolete without her here. When she died, were you the one who told her mother and brother? Did you tell her children that their mother would never come back? No. I was the one who had to keep it together for my family, for my pack, for her. So how about you shut the fuck up. If you are so devastated then go and kill yourself so you can be with her. My life began the day that she found me. Nothing in my past mattered before her and nothing in my future matters without her, but I am sorry that your mourning is more important. You lost a friend and for that I am sorry, but I lost my mate, my heart, the mother of my children, my future. So excuse me if I am not feeling particularly empathetic."

Micah's voice was calm as a lake without wind. There was no disturbance or anger in his voice. Just the devoid lack of emotion. Talim had pushed him past the point of caring. He doubted that he could take hearing the mention of his mate again. Part of him wanted to just leave this place and bury himself in the darkness. At least then nothing would remind him of her and the life they had made together. There was a whole world out there ready to swallow him up.

@talim

Micah - 2 year old - Mixed Wolf - Male - Ananke Paramour

Deleted
Deleted Member

Posts: 0

i might just disappear [Micah] Jun 18, 2019 22:09:28 GMT -6

Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2019 22:09:28 GMT -6

He hadn't planned on showing anger towards Micah, in that moment. He hadn't planned on showing the depths of his frustration over current events, or just how far his hatred of the other male was willing to go. But as Micah started to rant on and on about how he wasn't the only one to mourn Nimue in such a way- as if Talim was some stupid simpering pup, whose feeble mind wouldn't allow him to comprehend such a concept- how he should go kill himself if he was that miserable, and how he had clearly had a more important relationship with Nimue than anyone else on account of being her mate, Talim felt his anger starting to burn within him, the flame gradually growing brighter and more volatile with every idiotic syllable that left Micah's mouth. It was one thing to have a male that he so utterly detested be his company in the caverns, when he would much rather have been left to wallow in his misery alone, but being talked down to like he was some idiotic pup instead of a wolf that was five years or more Micah's senior was the final straw, as far as Talim was concerned. And so it was that he suddenly rounded on Micah, jaws lashing out to deliver a strong and angry bite to the other male's face should he still be within striking range, a growl that would have put any roll of thunder to shame rumbling in his throat as he glared at Micah with every ounce of vitriol that he could muster in that moment. He hadn't even shown such anger towards Murmur when they had met up after all those years- no, what Micah would see now was sheer and utter fury, the likes of which Talim had seldom shown to another wolf before.

The old Talim never would have dared to strike out against a fellow pack member. The new Talim couldn't find it in himself to give a single fuck. If Micah honestly thought that he was simply going to go belly-up because of a few barbed words, then the taller male had quite another thing coming. He was tired, and he was angry, and Micah was finally the one that had pushed him over the edge.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know I was hurting your delicate fucking feelings by being sad over the death of a wolf that meant a lot to me. Sorry, next time I'll just act like the rest of the stone cold bastards in this pack whenever someone close to me disappears. You'd fucking like that, wouldn't you?" Ignoring how childish his words sounded, Talim stalked closer, the fur along his spine rippling out of fury. "God, can't you ever shut the fuck up about how seemingly important you are to everyone else? You're not even the fucking boss of me anymore, and you're still acting like you somehow have me on a fucking ball and chain. Why the fuck did you come down here anyway, if you're just going to throw insults at me instead of, oh, you know, actually offering comfort or something like a fucking normal wolf would do. Because it sure as shit isn't out of pity. You've made that quite obvious." He had begun to pace now in the midst of his fury and frustration, the ticking of his claws upon the stone floor adding a backdrop to his harsh words and seeming to only make his anger spike all the higher. "You're just like fucking everyone else in this pack, pretending to care about me and then proving how much you don't give a single shit about my well-being. No, wait, you're worse than that. You're like the motherfuckers who did this to my face. Thinking you can control fucking everything in your life, thinking that you're so much better than everyone else, trying to get them to follow the stupid fucking rules that you've set down for yourself. So you know what, Micah? I may be annoying, I may be stupid and impulsive, and I'm sure as shit never going to be as tall and strong as you. But at least I don't have a fucking superiority complex that I like to hold over everyone else's heads."

Stop doing this, some part of him whispered as he stood there, even in the midst of his all-encompassing fury. Nimue wouldn't want this.

What does it fucking matter what Nimue would have wanted, he somehow answered, blocking it out just as suddenly as it had come to him. She's dead. She's dead, and this bastard helped kill her.

That was made him forge on, in spite of part of his brain screaming at him that perhaps antagonizing a wolf that was easily three times his size wasn't the smartest of decisions. "And that's another thing. I didn't realize anyone other than you was allowed to have, you know, an actual relationship with Nimue. Because yeah, obviously a self-centered shit-stain like you was the best choice for her, and nobody else can even come close. Forgive me for, you know, claiming that she actually treated me like a person and not just another face in the crowd. Forgive me for claiming that I probably cared about her just as much as you did, if not more, only I didn't go prancing about and claiming that nobody else could mourn her as deeply. I may not have loved her, but I'll be fucking damned if I let you stand there and tell me that my feelings are any more invalid than yours." A beat, and then he was continuing. "And if you loved her so fucking much, then why didn't you do more to protect her? Huh? Where was your love when she fucking disappeared? Did you even try to look for her, or did you only pretend to care about her and then leave her behind once she wasn't something to stick your dick in, like everyone else on this continent fucking does?" A laugh burst from Talim's gut then, sharp and demeaning. "Honestly, what she even saw in you anyway, I have no fucking idea. Maybe you should take your own advice and go follow her to wherever the fuck she went, and get that stick dislodged from your ass while you're at it." In that moment, Talim honestly could have cared less what the consequences of speaking to a wolf who was not only a fellow packmate but who could easily overpower him in a combat scenario could be. He was getting damned tired of other wolves telling him what he was and wasn't allowed to feel, and if direct action finally got them to shut the fuck up about it, then so be it.

And if Micah did decide to kill him, well, at least he'd be put out of his misery that much sooner. It was what everyone in this godforsaken pack probably wanted anyway.

Word Count: 1,165
Playmates: Micah
Other: I was debating whether to have him be nicer but he just decided to go the fuck off I guess so rip Talim

Micah
Loner

Posts: 106
OOC Name: Roka
Biography: http://anikira.proboards.com/thread/10231/kenai-peninsula-arctic-wolf-micah
Date of Birth: April 30th, 2015
Gender: Male
Breed: Mixed Breed
Height: 48 inches
Weight: 210 pounds
Coat Color: Black, Grey
Eye Color: Blue
Language: 2
Violence: 2
Sexual Content: 2
Size Generation: 2nd

i might just disappear [Micah] Jul 7, 2019 22:01:54 GMT -6

Post by Micah on Jul 7, 2019 22:01:54 GMT -6

Talim lashed out at him his teeth raking down across his face, blood trickling down his muzzle in thin trickle. Micah didn't move or flinch when he felt the pain, trying his best to push it to the side. He didn't want to feel pain any more. Despite Talim's need to inflict it. He kept rambling on and on about things that he knew nothing about. It was obvious from his opinions that he had never liked Micah either, complaining that Micah was just like everyone else. Pretending to care and then moving on. He also said some crass things about Micah moving on now that Nimue was no longer around for him to stick his dick in. A part of him wondered just how hard it would be for him to snap the little runts neck. He had obviously said enough to incite Micah. In fact just the mention of Nimue's name made him want to burn the world down just to ease his own pain. Yet in his mind he knew that is not what she would have wanted. He spent his whole life trying to do what she wanted so why should he stop now. Talim had been important to her and even though he had spoken to the male out of turn he would not go against his beloved. His last comment about what she even saw in him was what really turned the tide for the male. The anger left his eyes, in fact all of the life went out of his eyes. This argument was pointless and it wouldn't make Micah hate Talim more or less. It just made him hurt and he didn't want that. "Fuck you, Talim. You don't think I didn't ask myself that question every single day she was with me. If you knew anything about us then maybe you could actually throw an insult at me that sticks. I have never once had a superiority complex. I was no leader to Ananke and I never acted like one. Nimue was always the leader and I was nothing more than the male she chose to love. I supported her and followed her and that's it. I didn't pretend to care about you because you were her friend, not mine. Ananke was her pack, her people, Aveline her home. It meant nothing to me except that I loved her and what she loved I knew I needed to protect. Everything I did in my life was to make sure that her dreams could come true. So before you get to drunk on your own satisfaction at calling me selfish look at yourself. You were so eager to take Nimue's affection yet where were you when she died? IF YOUR LOVE WAS SO MUCH STRONGER THAN MINE THAN WHERE WERE YOU?! I was the one who found her body, the one who had to see her broken and lifeless. I had to bury her and where was her faithful pack? All the wolves she spent her whole life leading and protecting? Nowhere. When it came down to it I was the only wolf who was there to lay her to rest." His throat was almost raw as he roared at the other wolf. The vigor leaving just as easily as it came.

"I will ignore this transgression just once, not because I am your leader, or because I am superior to you. Just the opposite. I will ignore it because it's what she would have wanted and I love her too much to forget that much. So it is in her name that I do this last kindness. You can pretend to be whatever you want. If you ever speak to me about her again, try to cheapen her love for me or anyone else in her life, I will rip your throat out."

With that he turned to leave, determined to leave Vasilios for good. It was not his home, simply the place he had lost his beloved. He had no idea where he was going but he knew that the further he got from this place the easier it would be to forget the pain.

@talim

Micah - 2 year old - Mixed Wolf - Male - Ananke Paramour